You will frustrate Those You Disciple When, part 4

4. You disciple as their boss and not their coach.

“…not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.”
1 Peter 5:4

This is frustrating because the never know why or see how to do what is expected of them.

There is a major difference between being a boss and being a coach. This translates easily into the discipleship relationship. Just as a good coach shows people how to play and win, a good disciple will show others how to live for the Kingdom. Unfortunately, as a discipler, it is much easier but less effective to settle into the role of just telling the other what they should be doing but never take the time to walk with them in it. Ultimately this can be very frustrating because even thought the words may be clear there is no real model to imitate. After a while the one you are discipling will grow weary of hearing you give instruction with never seeing those instructions lived out in your life.

Here are some differences between a boss and a coach

• A boss gives orders. A coach gives an example.
• A boss controls. A coach involves.
• A boss seeks power. A coach gives power.
• A boss just tells “what”. A coach tells “why” and “what”.

Here are some thoughts to ponder:

You can’t expect the disciple to share their faith unless you show them how.
You can’t expect the disciples to sacrifice their time unless they see you sacrifice yours.
You can’t expect the disciple love people unless you are loving them.
You can’t expect them to know how to read the Bible unless you help them.
You can’t expect them to live counter culturally unless they see you living that way.
You can’t expect them to be vulnerable unless you are vulnerable.

Paul said it well to Timothy. “set an example for the believers in speech, life, love, faith, and purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12