You Will Frustrate Those You Disciple When....

You Disciple them out of DUTY and NOT LOVE

1 Peter 5:2“…not under compulsion but willingly, as God would have you.”

Key: This is frustrating because it builds walls that block intimacy.

I recently heard a girl talk about her relationships with the girl that was discipling her. She had high hopes of being poured into and loved. It did not take long for her to realize that she was essentially not much more than a calendar item. This caused the one being discipled to not open her life fully and gave her a “bad taste” for how she understood “being discipled”.

God’s design for disciple making is love (John 15:12-17), a love that willingly lays down it’s life. Peter says in chpt. 1 verse 22 to “love one another deeply and from the heart.” Even when he was mad, Paul’s mode of operation was love (2 Cor. 2:4).

The reality is that if people do not believe that you genuinely love them then they will not be confident in sharing with you the deep things in their life. Which means they are not opening up the places in their heart where the Holy Spirit needs to move.

Here are a few ways to know that your discipling relationship leans more toward duty than love. If these happen consistently, you may be discipling out of duty
1. You have to squeeze them into your life.
2. You are not “with them” when you are with them.
3. It becomes to easy for you to neglect or cancel times of being together.
4. You do not think about them and pray for them unless you are with them.

To disciple out of love is to joyfully sacrifice your life so that Christ will be formed in them (2 Cor. 4).

Application thoughts:
• We can all only love so many people well. Ask for a loving heart and do not try to
disciple more people than you can love.
• Tell those that you are discipling that you love them.
• Ask those you are discipling how they receive and give love.
(Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages is a great resource in understanding this topic)
• Whenever you read Scripture ask the question,
“How can this lead me to love as Jesus loves?”

I pray that you would love well.

Frustration part 1

I can frustrate someone I disciple when...

1. I Disciple them as “Mine” and not “God’s”

1 Peter 5:2, “Shepherd the flock of God…”

Those that we disciple belong to God. It is easy over time to lose sight of this and slowly begin to view them as “ours” or “mine”. I have several guys that I am discipling right now but in reality they are much more than “my guys”, they are heirs, children, beloved in the Kingdom. I am just given the honor to walk with them during this season to help them make disciples of Jesus.
When the perspective of “mine” begins to dominate the way we view those we are discipling then we are taking steps towards manipulation and stunting their growth in Christ.

Key: This frustrates those we disciple because it limits their potential. Those we disciple should have the vision of their life shaped by Jesus and His potential for them. When I disciple as “mine” I limit their potential to “us”.
Here are a couple of practical things that have helped me in this.

1. Disciple through the context of community. This makes disciple making a group or “family” effort, allowing everyone to have multiple trusted influences.

2. Regularly pray for humility as a disciple. It is easy for my pride and opinion of self to get so high that I think I am all that the person needs. (Rom. 12:3, Phil 2:3-5)

3. When the person I am discipling is walking through something that I do not know much about or can’t adequately relate to I try to point them towards someone who is more equipped for that situation.

Frustration

When I say the word "frustration" in relationship to disciple making you may have thoughts like:

"I get so frustrated that he/she won't listen."
"It is taking so long for them to get what I am saying."
"I am so frustrated with the one I am discipling that I wonder if I should just move on."
"They are making me so mad because..."

I want to challenge your thinking about frustration. One simple challenge is this. Most of the time when we are frustrated with those we discple it is selfish frustration. We get frustrated because they do not do what WE want. The is us centered.

But, that is not really the challenge I want to give here. Over my next few posts (I know it has been a while) I hope to expose ways that we as disciplers frustrate those we disciple. Maybe you have never had that thought. None of us are perfect at disciple making and this can cause those we are investing in to get frustrated with us. But we don't see their frustration and our error because we think too highly of ourselves. We may not say it out loud but it is easy to put all the blame on the ones we are pouring into and not take any of the "credit" ourselves.

So get ready to hear about ways that I have frustrated people...